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If I Ran the Church
by Sacramentalist

I'd hold all my masses behind Sneelock Store
Until Jerzy McJerry, that tiresome old bore
Sneaks into line to see what I offer
And then the old coot will probably scoffer.
He may think it rude. He may think it crass.
To see a little lime wedge on a triangular glass.

"Why that's not wine at all!" will say old McJerry.
"I detect the smell of vodka. Is that red from cranberry???"
He'd say "What utter nonsense! He's just a charlatan!
He's just giving his parishoners a cosmopolitan!"

And I'd say "I think the King of the Jews
Should have the decency to have better booze.
I think we'd be happier if after each and every sacrament
The holy spirit were to appear as a big pink elephant.
For in any church, you must admit it's their motto
'The people are happier, if you keep them all blotto'"

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(Deleted comment)
That's awesome. Did you just come up with that poem or have you been working on it all while this pope's been in office?

I wrote it back 2004, when I was funny.

Oh, no: that was when talking about booze & buzziness was extra-special funny. You? Always enjoyable.

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